10 Ways to Support a Disabled or Neurodivergent Person in Your Life (Including Yourself)
Our licensed neurodiversity affirming therapists in Bethesda, MD explain how to be a supportive friend, family member, or ally to someone living with a disability.
Want to be a better ally to someone you love who is disabled, autistic, ADHD, chronically ill, or neurodivergent? Here are 10 real, doable ways to show support—not just during Disability Pride Month, but all year round. Want to be an ally to yourself? See the “be an ally to yourself” sections below.
1. When your Neurodiverse or Disabled Friends tell you About their Experience, Believe Them.
If someone says they’re in pain, tired, overstimulated, or having a hard day—believe them. Don’t downplay or question their experience, even if you can’t see it or don’t have the same experience yourself.
Be an ally to yourself: Don’t forget to believe your OWN experience too. When others tell you that you shouldn’t feel what you’re feeling, remember that you ARE feeling it. That is the truth, whether it makes sense to others or not.
2. Ask What Support Looks Like (Don’t Assume)
Say something like: “What would be helpful or supportive right now?“ or “Would you like help or someone to listen?” Let the person you’re trying to help tell you what works best. And accept that “just go away” might be the answer.
Be an ally to yourself: When you are feeling calm, ask yourself “what helps me when I am frustrated or upset?” or “what’s something other people could do that would make things easier for me?” Write or practice your answers, then let people know how to be there for you.
3. Respect Everyone’s Access Needs Without Judgment
Whether it’s using headphones, needing closed captions, using fidgets, mobility aids, safe foods, or quiet uncrowded spaces—treat access needs as valid and normal. Because they are.
Be an ally to yourself: When you know you need something, insist on it. Plan how to have what you need in the environments you’ll be in (medical offices, school, workplaces, at home, at events). If a particular event or venue can’t meet your needs, it’s ok to find an alternative.
4. Use Identity-Affirming Language for ALL People
Yes, this includes people’s chosen names and pronouns. No, it doesn’t require perfection.
It does require that you trust every person to know him/her/themself best. Talking TO someone rather than about them is the simplest solution. But when you do need to refer to someone (“I’m inviting Jess to the graduation party but they don’t have a ride. Could you drive them?”), using the terms they use themselves is the most respectful approach. You are respecting their right to define their own identity (recognizing that it isn’t your choice to make).
Be an ally to yourself: When describing yourself, use whatever terms feel best to you even if others pressure you to use specific language. You have the right to change your descriptors too. It’s up to you!
5. Respect the Disabled or Neurodivergent Person’s Right to Privacy
When it comes to disabilities, some are visible and some are not. Don’t disclose someone’s disability or identity to another person without that someone’s permission. Every person has the right to choose when and how to share their personal information. (See the example above about Jess needing a ride. We can find Jess a ride without specifying why they need one.) Avoiding ableist language (like “crazy,” “lazy,” or “high functioning”) is also important. Being an ally doesn’t mean you’ll say everything “right” all the time. It just means you’ll try to listen to others about who they are. If you make a mistake, just correct yourself in the moment and move on.
Be an ally to yourself: Choose when and where to share your information. But be careful not to hold back too much when sharing a little more could get you better support.
6. Speak Up About Accessibility in Shared Spaces
In schools, workplaces, or events, ask: “Is this space accessible for all bodies and brains?” and think about how to make it more accessible. You don’t need to speak for disabled folks, just help make space.
Be an ally to yourself: If a space or event doesn’t work for you, let someone know what would make it better.
7. Include Them (But Don’t Guilt Them). Be Okay With Changed Plans or Canceling
Invite them to things, even if they’ve said no before. Let them know they’re wanted, and make space for participation on their terms. Know that energy crashes, flare-ups, sensory overload, and executive dysfunction happen. Let your friend cancel plans or turn them down without guilt—they’re not flaking, they’re surviving.
Be an ally to yourself: Do connect and engage with others when you can. Try not to worry about letting someone down. Put differently, when you have a choice between letting yourself down or letting someone else down, always let someone else down.
8. Learn Without Expecting Them to Teach You Everything
Google is free. So are books, blogs, and social media accounts by disabled people. Follow, listen, and learn—without putting all the emotional labor on your disabled or neurodivergent friend. Maybe don’t trust the AI summary or ChatGPT to teach you though. They’re still learning themselves.
Be an ally to yourself: Teach your friends and family how to be good to YOU (we all have to do that), but only be an advocate for the whole community when your time and energy allows. Living with a disability or difference takes a lot of extra work already.
9. Celebrate Their Wins (Big or Small!)
Making a phone call, going to therapy, asking for help—these are wins. On some days showering or remembering to eat are wins! Celebrate progress in their context, not what the world defines as "success."
Be an ally to yourself: Remember what you’re dealing with and remember to celebrate EVERY success, large or small. A success is a time that you were able to act on your intentions.
10. Support the Disabled Person’s Joy, Not Just Their Struggles
Disabled life is more than hard days. Cheer for their art, memes, hyperfixations, hobbies, and everything that makes them uniquely them. And support their relationships. What makes a good relationship is defined by the people in it. For example, a friendship or a date might not involve a lot of talking. A romantic relationship may or may not include physical contact. As long as there isn’t abuse happening, the relationship is ok. If you do believe the relationship is abusive, reach out to your local abuse hotline to get information about how to help.
Be an ally to yourself: Pursue things that bring you joy! Know that you have the right to be treated with kindness and respect in relationships. Keep the friends around you who are kind and helpful, and let go of the ones who are not.
One Basic Rule for Caregivers of Neurospicy or Disabled People (Including Yourself)
Sometimes as a disabled or neurodivergent person becomes an adult, another person must stay in a caregiver role. This should only happen in specific situations where the person is truly unable to provide sufficient care for themselves. When a person does need a caregiver, how can the caregiver be supportive?
Rule #1: Maximize autonomy.
When you are the one making decisions on someone else’s behalf, be sure to let them make as many of their own choices as possible. Only step in when it truly isn’t possible for them to do the task (not when they might not do it as well as you would). For example, if a person can’t prepare their own fruits and vegetables but can cook microwaved meals on their own, they can choose whether to eat healthier or be more independent. It may be hard to let someone you love make their own mistakes, but they do have the right to. If you need a little help with this, try our Neurodiversity Affirming Child and Family Therapists.
Be an ally to yourself: If you can do it on your own, do! There are some things your disability limits, and some things it doesn’t. When help would make your life better, don’t hesitate to ask for and accept it. That’s the definition of disability: having something you’re unable to do on your own. See below for specific supports for your wellness and mental health.
💬 Want to Do More?
Amplify disabled voices—especially Black, Indigenous, and queer disabled creators. Share their work. Buy from their shops. Read their stories. Support their joy, not just their survival. Advocate for accessibility wherever you go. Normalize asking, “What do you need to feel supported?” And financially support programs that assist and advocate for those with disabilities.
🎉 Remember: You don’t need to do everything perfectly. Just keep showing up, learning, and loving the people in your life for who they are—not who the world expects them to be.
Disability Friendly and Neurodivergence Friendly Mental Health Resources
Mental health support isn’t always easy to access—especially if you’re disabled, neurodivergent, BIPOC, or LGBTQIA+. But you deserve care that respects your identity, your body, and your brain. Here are some helpful places to start.
Inclusive Mental Health Support:
Better Together Family Therapy. We are proud of our inclusivity. See a way for us to be even MORE inclusive? Let us know!
@thetriniticentre (Instagram) – Offers community healing spaces centering Black disabled folks and trauma survivors
Therapy for Black Girls / Therapy for Black Men – Directories of culturally competent therapists
Inclusive Therapists – Find therapists who honor neurodiversity, disability, LGBTQIA+ identities, and racial equity. For neurodiversity affirming therapy try NDTherapists.com or WiserDC.org.
Autistic Women & Nonbinary Network (AWN) – Offers resources and community support for autistic people, especially trans & BIPOC folks
I’m Determined (for youth with disabilities) – Virginia-based resource that also supports students in the DC/MD area
Crisis & Peer Support Lines (Text & Phone):
Trans Lifeline (for trans people, run by trans people): 877-565-8860
The Trevor Project (LGBTQIA+ youth support): Text START to 678-678
NAMI Helpline (mental health support, not crisis): 800-950-NAMI
Warmline Directory: Find a non-crisis peer support line in your state at warmline.org
Looking for neurodiversity affirming therapy in Maryland? Schedule an appointment with us here.
💡 Pro Tip: If traditional therapy isn’t accessible to you right now, peer support spaces and online support groups can still offer connection and care. You deserve support that feels safe and affirming.
