You know how it starts. You ask them to pick up their toys or clean up their room, and they say, “I will”. A couple hours go by … or days. You trip over the same pair of shoes for the last time. You feel it bubbling up.

You just want to scream.

Yelling is a natural instinct that has helped us keep our kids safe from danger throughout the centuries. Wolf sneaking up for a tasty snack? Toddler stumbling towards an open flame? Raising your voice has it’s place - but what about that pair of shoes… Do you wish you had another natural way to react?

You are not alone. We all need good parenting support.

That bubbling feeling rising up is telling you; you don’t feel heard. You want to be seen. What you say matters. What you need is important too. You take a breath. Breathe out through your lips. You remember what we talked about last session and you walk to the window.

You look outside and see the last leaves falling. You remember that day your child came home from school all excited to tell you how below the leaves, the monarch butterfly is waiting to make her cozy leaf home. She will stay there warm and snug until spring.

You remember the look on their face as they shared their excitement and disgust that butterflies liquify into goo before becoming their beautiful butterfly selves. Perhaps, you think, we are in the goo stage. Our amazing and dynamic family is shifting, evolving, and changing for a beautiful new season. Even though it may feel like a mess right now.

This is one way to shift your mindset when you feel that primal scream rising up. And, here are a few other things you can try:

• Know that you are not alone

• Forgive yourself if you do yell

• Ask a question instead, “when were you planning to clean up?”

• Take a walk or walk away for a few minutes

• Write down your frustrations and yell it out on paper first

• Breathe and do a quick rescue reset:

1. Breathe in for a count of 4

2. Hold your breath for a count of 7

3. Exhale slowly and deeply through your mouth for a count of 8

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